


If I've Ever Been in Love (And I'm Pretty Sure I Have)

by scallywap



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Watcher Entertainment RPF
Genre: Anxiety, Blow Jobs, Dirty Talk, Dom!Shane Madej, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, PWP, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings, Sub!Ryan Bergara
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-22 01:07:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30030696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scallywap/pseuds/scallywap
Summary: “I wasn’t worried,” Ryan insists lightly, his voice quiet, but he finds he can’t meet Shane’s gaze.“Mmm,” Shane hums, and pokes his toes against Ryan’s shin under the covers. “I want to know, so don’t lie to me.”-Written for @popkin16 and posted with her permission.
Relationships: Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej
Comments: 19
Kudos: 58
Collections: The Shyan Shipping Society Stories





	If I've Ever Been in Love (And I'm Pretty Sure I Have)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [popkin16](https://archiveofourown.org/users/popkin16/gifts).



> Title taken from "Vacation" by Florist. Which I actually found through one of Shane Madej's Spotify playlists! It's a very good song and help push forward the meat for this fic.

The bright red numbers on Ryan’s alarm clock read 2:34am when he blearily blinks his eyes open. Shane’s body is pressed almost entirely against his, the soft hair on his chest delicately brushing up against Ryan’s bare back, their legs tangled with the comforter that they had pushed off of themselves at some point. The cool air of the Los Angeles night sends ripples of goose-bumps down his arm and he holds back the urge to shiver.

Instead, he rubs a hand over his bicep and turns around so that he and Shane are facing each other. Shane’s face is relaxed in sleep, his mouth slightly open and snoring softly. His hair is messy and fluffy after his night-time shower several hours previous, chestnut coloured strands sticking up in all directions, some even flopping over into his eyes. Ryan smiled closed mouthed at his lover, his eyes drinking in his image, keen on memorising the tinier details should he ever be left in a situation where he was without him.

A surge of unnecessary anxiety washed through Ryan at the thought and he frowned, the corners of his lips tipping southward in upset. He brought a hand up to Shane’s face, and carefully stroked some of his long hair from his eyes and tucked it behind Shane’s ear. He let out a worrisome sigh, and wiggled his body until he was close enough to Shane that their cold noses were touching.

He slipped his eyes closed and focused on all the points on his body that connected with Shane’s. Ryan’s ankle crossed over Shane’s calf. Ryan’s hand on Shane’s forearm. Ryan’s overdue-for-a-haircut curls brushing against Shane’s own similarly neglected hair. Their noses pressing against each other, their breath mingling together.

Shane rustles against him and a second later, he feels a hand gently come down to rest on his shoulder. He opens his eyes and sees Shane watching him with drowsy downturned eyes, barely visible in the night’s dark. Ryan pinches his eyebrows together in apology, recognising that it was his jostling that had woken up his boyfriend. “I’m sorry, babe. I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

“‘S okay,” Shane mumbles, sleepily. His voice is rough and scratchy from the sleep he had emerged from, the deep tone resonating through Ryan’s very soul like the bass at a concert. “My body must’ve known you were worrying and woke me up to help.”

Shane leans forward and very gently presses a barely there kiss against his temple, his lips only lingering for a fraction of a second but leaving Ryan’s skin tingling nevertheless. He settles back down into more of an upright position, head resting on the palm of his hand and watching Ryan with half-lidded warm eyes. Ryan mirrors him but keeps his other hand laying in the space between their bodies, his fingers pinching at the white sheets nervously. “I wasn’t worried,” Ryan insists lightly, his voice quiet, but he finds he can’t meet Shane’s gaze.

“Mmm,” Shane hums, and pokes his toes against Ryan’s shin under the covers. “I want to know, so don’t lie to me.”

His tone is only very lightly chastising, nothing like the strict orders of ‘ _ don’t touch yourself’ _ or ‘ _ get on your knees’ _ he had given Ryan earlier that evening. Despite this, the faintest hint of that memory sends a surge of heat through Ryan’s gut. The intent in Shane’s tone is clear though, so Ryan obeys him -- just like he always does.

“It’s nothing,” he begins to say but stops himself. Shane’s face hasn’t changed but his eyes have sharpened in a telltale way.  _ Don’t lie to me _ . Ryan corrects himself. “I got anxious imagining life without you.”

Shane’s hand comes down to meet his on the bed, encircling Ryan’s wrist with those long dainty fingers. The touch grounds him, and Ryan focuses entirely on it. The way that Shane’s thumb glides over the thin skin of his wrist, tracing the prominent blue veins there. Ryan, trance-like, watches their hands with half-closed eyes.

“Oh, baby,” Shane coos lightly. Ryan’s cheeks tingle a little at the tone of his voice, a little bit embarrassed at having his worries exposed and being so vulnerable like this. It never got any easier. Shane’s thumb doesn’t stop its steady motion. “Talk to me about it.”

Ryan let his eyes close and allowed himself to look inward at the worry that had set this whole sequence into effect. “I woke up, saw you next to me, then I imagined what it would be like if you weren’t there.” A shiver passes through his body at the image.

“How did that make you feel?” Shane asks, his voice light and nonintrusive. Safe, trusting, warm. Understanding. Ryan squeezes his eyes tight, and imagines himself in an empty bed, with nobody beside him to warm him up. “Focus on me, baby.” Shane presses after Ryan doesn’t reply.

“Cold.” Ryan says, his mind fuzzy. The touch on his wrist is still there, ever-present and rhythmic. “So cold without you, Sir.”

Shane’s touch hesitates momentarily at the slip but he continues after half a second. “How can I help you, baby?” he asks, and moves so that he’s sat upright. Ryan can feel the weight on the bed shift, and his heart stutters a little in fear that Shane was leaving him. “Open your eyes.” Shane tells him, voice low.

Ryan opens his eyes and sees Shane’s face hovering above him, eyes intense and dark. “Shane--” he starts but stops himself abruptly, his jaw clicking audibly as he closes his mouth.

“Tell me what you want.”

Ryan’s eyes flicker over Shane’s face and he breathes out a shuddered breath. “Please--” he whimpers pathetically. Shane’s hand comes up to Ryan’s cheek, cradling his jaw. His eyes still have that intensity to the rich brown irises, but there’s a strong love there that he was never quite able to hide away, even when they were just friends.

_ Love for me _ , Ryan knows, like it was a fact of life. As true as it was that the oceans were blue or that the Earth traveled around the Sun, it was also true that Shane loved Ryan. He feels a sob rise from his chest, and tries to convey the intensity of his own love with just his eyes. He lets all of the emotions that he’s been subconsciously covering up for  _ months _ come to the forefront of his mind and hopes to God that Shane can see them. “Please stay with me,  _ sir. _ ” he finishes finally.

Shane kisses him, and the unshed tears that had been building from the start of their conversation finally fall down Ryan’s cheeks. He brings his long body down until Ryan is pinned by it, a knee resting between the shorter man’s thighs and grinding just enough to make him let out a keening noise. Their kiss breaks, and Shane’s pale cheeks have a pretty pink flush to them. His lips are wet with saliva and red from the severity of their kiss, and his chest is expanding every few moments with heavy pants.  _ He’s beautiful _ , Ryan thinks,  _ and he’s in love with me. _

“What do you want, baby?” Shane asks him, and travels down his body. As he does, he kisses over the lingering love-bites and bruises from the sex they had had yesterday, making Ryan whine. “Do you want me to blow you? Want me to finger you open? You’re probably still loose from earlier, huh?”

Ryan lets out a long, high pitched moan. He closes his eyes and bucks his hips forward, his dick already hard in his underwear just from Shane’s words. Shane brings a large hand down to grip him, and Ryan gasps. “ _ Sir-- _ ”

“Use your words, baby.” Shane chuckles. He lowers himself so that his face is level with Ryan’s crotch, and looks up at him with a smirk. “Tell me what you want Sir to do.”

“Your- your mouth,” Ryan pants out, bringing his hands up to cover his face, the weight of Shane’s gaze too much for him. “Please, sir. Your mouth,  _ ah _ \--!”

Ryan’s cut off as Shane leans forward to mouth at his bulge over the thin, stretched cotton of his briefs. His mouth is sinfully warm, and Ryan almost comes just from that alone. While Shane works his mouth over the bulge, his large hands come up to grip at the meat of Ryan’s thighs, pale fingers digging into the muscle as they twitch from his touch. Shane lifts them up, and pushes them apart so that he can slot his body between them. In the new position, Shane slips his fingers higher, sliding them under the hemming of Ryan’s briefs. He leaves his hands there, not moving any higher up his legs, just giving Ryan the very slightest tease of Shane’s hands on his ass.

“ _ Please,  _ sir. I want-- I need it.” Ryan babbles into the crook of his elbow, eyes squeezed shut and focusing intently on not blowing his load before it’s time.

The fingers that are just barely underneath Ryan’s briefs slide around to the back of his body, with the barest squeeze to Ryan’s ass. Shane pulls his mouth away from where Ryan’s dick is pressing against the cotton almost painfully. The briefs are ruined from a mix of Shane’s saliva and the pooling precome that had been steadily leaking out of his tip from the moment Shane had gotten his mouth on him. Shane levels him with a dry look. “I’m the one who calls the shots around here, Bergara. Or do I need to remind you of that?” He accentuates his point and a small slap to Ryan’s right thigh, making him jolt and gasp.

“N-No, sir.” Ryan assured, though his voice came out weak and shaky.

“Hmm,” Shane pulled away from Ryan properly. “Move your hands away from your face.”

_ Fuck,  _ Ryan thought. He slowly pried his hands away and looked down at Shane with worry evident on his face. Shane waited until his hands were firmly at his side and weren’t in danger of creeping back to cover himself up, then smiled slowly. “I want you to watch me suck you off,” he says, like it's nothing. Ryan twitches and Shane catches the movement, grinning a little. “Don’t come until I tell you. Can you do that, baby?”

Ryan lets out a shuddering breath and nods.

“I need to hear you say it.”

“Yes.” Ryan bites out.

“Yes,  _ what _ ?”

A hand comes up to squeeze at his bulge tightly, a soft warning. Ryan lets out a yelp and  _ almost _ brings up his hands to cover his red face again, but manages to keep them locked by his side. “Yes,  _ sir. _ ”

“Good boy.”

Shane’s fingers hook under the waistband of Ryan’s briefs and tugs them down at a snail’s pace, kissing at each inch of newly exposed skin as he goes. Ryan watches with dark eyes, watching how Shane moves with such self-assuredness, like he knows how dangerously sexy he is right now. Soon, the briefs are pulled down past Ryan’s erection and it springs up to slap against his stomach now that it was free from it’s restraints, wet and flushed a dark red.

Ryan groans as the cool air of their bedroom hits his too-sensitive dick while Shane chuckles a little. “You’re always so eager. Always so ready for my touch. Aren’t you, baby?” Shane says as running commentary, and Ryan pants in response. He knows that Shane doesn’t actually want an answer to these questions, he just loves to talk during sex -- well actually, he loves to talk all the time. So he doesn’t reply and just let’s Shane air his thoughts outloud, knowing that Ryan is hanging onto his every word.

“You’re so pretty like this. So hard and blushing from my touch.” Shane tells him, and brings his hand up to encircle the base of Ryan’s cock, running a finger through the coarse, trimmed, dark hair there. “So needy, so beautiful.”

Ryan bucks a little, which earns him a raised eyebrow. “So impatient.” Shane continues. “You want my mouth, baby boy? Want me to choke on you? Want me to take you all the way down and stay there, be your little cock-slut?”

Shane licks a stripe up the underside of Ryan’s dick, and he almost  _ screams _ at the intensity of it. Shane laughs again, and if Ryan weren’t seconds away from shooting his load all over the man’s face, he would have been mad at him for it. But as it happens, he  _ was _ dangerously close to coming too early, so he stayed silent. Shane must know this too, so he breaks character for a fraction of a second to send a cheeky grin up at Ryan. Though he soon schools his expression back to normal and gives Ryan’s dick a slow stroke. “But that’s you, isn’t it?  _ You’re  _ the one who loves to suck me, take all of me into your pretty little mouth. Always so good, always so ready to prove yourself.”

He leans forward and wraps his lips around the leaking head, a hand tight on Ryan’s hip to stop him from thrusting into that delectable wet cavern. Ryan’s throat goes dry and he lets out a choked noise.  _ “ _ Sir,  _ fuck _ !” he cries out in a rushed breath. Ryan’s hands twitch by his side, desperate to tangle his fingers in Shane’s hair and hold him there so he can fuck his mouth.

Shane’s eyes are closed as he suckles lightly on the head, cheeks hollowing out. He breaks the seal and pulls off just enough to pant filthily, Ryan’s dick resting on his bottom lip. “Although,” Shane continues from his earlier comments, “It is a shame that I don’t return the favour as much as I should. You make the  _ dirtiest  _ noises when I have you in my mouth, baby.”

As if to prove his point, Shane takes Ryan in his mouth again, sliding further down the shaft this time. Ryan cries out and his legs tremble, overwhelmed by the feeling. Shane’s tongue is pressed flat under Ryan’s dick, and the back of his throat flutters as it accommodates his length.

Ryan watches as Shane bobs slowly up and down on his dick, his lips stretching and his jaw slack to allow the movement. Shane brings a hand up to Ryan’s stomach, squeezing into the soft flesh there that he was self conscious about. He had put on a few extra pounds over the years and it had taken a toll on his self image, as he came to terms with the fact that he would probably never be as thin and toned as he was when he and Shane had started dating. Shane had always assured Ryan that he  _ loved  _ seeing him with a little extra padding, and always made sure to show it. Which apparently included touching his tummy when Ryan’s dick was down his throat.

“Sir, I--” Ryan starts but cuts himself off with a moan. “Sir, I’m close.”

Shane opens his eyes, and Ryan wonders for a moment how the man can look so imposing even in a moment like this. Without removing his mouth from Ryan, he moves his hands to push his thighs further apart. Ryan shuffles a little to move how Shane wants him to, lifting his hips carefully and moving further down the bed. Shane pulls off with a wet  _ pop _ and presses feather-light kisses down Ryan’s dick. He sits up, and gestures for Ryan to join him.

They rearrange themselves a little until Ryan is sitting in Shane’s lap, straddling his hips. Shane is hard in his boxers and Ryan can see a wet patch at the front, his mouth going dry at the slight. He licks his lips and thrusts his hips forward in Shane’s grip with a moan. “I want to touch you, sir. Please?”

“Not this time, baby,” Shane says, and kisses Ryan’s bare shoulder. “Tonight’s about you.”

Ryan whines a little at that, making Shane laugh.

His touch becomes tighter, and he starts to properly jerk Ryan off in a consistent rhythm. Ryan pants and wraps his arms around Shane’s shoulders, letting his head tip back as he moans wantonly. Shane watches him with dark eyes. “So beautiful.” he tells him, and kisses Ryan’s throat in between his words. “You always take me so well, you’re so good for me, baby.”

Ryan thrusts lightly into the tight circle of Shane’s hand experimentally, then continues to match his lover’s pace after he isn’t reprimanded for it. “I’ll always be here for you, baby. Always be here to kiss you.” Shane tells him, kissing the underside of Ryan’s jaw to prove his point. “Always be here to touch you.” he tightens his grip momentarily, “Always be here to love you.”

A sob Ryan wasn’t even aware he was holding onto escaped him, and Shane regarded him with sad eyes. He brought his free hand up to cup Ryan’s jaw and tilted his head down until their foreheads were touching. They both closed their eyes and Shane continued to bring Ryan off. “Shane-” Ryan whispers.

Shane doesn’t slap his thigh at the sudden shift to using his name, instead kisses him deeply. He turns his head so that he can do so properly, and pours all of the love he has to give into it. Ryan moans low in his throat and returns it with equal amounts of enthusiasm. They break apart with a gasp and Shane pulls back just enough to issue one final order:

“Come.”

The effect is instantaneous. Ryan’s entire body clenches violently, and a loud moan is ripped from his throat. He dick twitches once, twice and then he’s coming, sending thick white strips over Shane’s hand and stomach. He shivers in the aftershocks as Shane milks him through it, saying small words of encouragement as he does.

Ryan realises with some shame that he’s crying fully now, fat teardrops sliding down his cheeks and down his neck. He hiccups out another broken sob and Shane hushes him gently, kissing away the tears. “I-I’m sorry--” Ryan says and pulls back a little, suddenly bashful under Shane’s gaze. “I don’t know why I’m crying.”

Shane lays them both down, and moves away for a few moments before coming back with a tissue box. He pulls one out and hands it to Ryan, which he takes gratefully, and wipes his nose with it. Then he takes out another and cleans away Ryan’s already drying come from his hand and stomach. He throws away the soiled tissue into the waste paper bin at the foot of their bed, and does the same with the one Ryan had used. Then, when finished, he lays down next to Ryan and holds him close.

Ryan’s still crying, but the tears seem to have subsided for now and instead he’s breathing heavily, his eyes and nose rubbed red. Shane strokes his lover’s hair, and holds him tight. “I’m sorry.” Ryan says again, because he feels like he ought to. “I don’t usually get this emotional during sex.”

“I know.”

“I don’t know why it just-” Ryan begins, then shakes his head. “I must be overwhelmed.”

Shane hums and rubs his hands over Ryan’s arms, feeling the taut muscles clench and unclench under his touch. “Do you really think I’d leave you?”

Ryan pulls away to look him in the eyes, and realises distantly that  _ Shane’s  _ looking a little self-conscious now. He opens his mouth up to assure him, but finds that the words turn into dust on his tongue.

He knows, realistically, that Shane would never want to leave him unless something really terrible happened. Maybe if one of them cheated (unlikely), or found someone better (not likely for Ryan, but he worries about Shane). He ducks his head a little, and frowns. “No.” he answers, truthfully, and he feels some of the tension leave Shane’s body. “I just think my brain likes to imagine the worst possible outcome and treat it as a real possibility.”

Shane blinks a little, then smiles weakly. “Well, tell it not to do that.”

Ryan snorts. “Sure, I’ll do that.” He lays his head on Shane’s chest and closes his eyes, focusing on the steady beat of his boyfriend’s heart. “I don’t know. It’d be different if we were married I suppose.”

“Married, huh?” Shane says casually. “You’d really want to settle down with this mug for the rest of your life?”

“God help me, I would.” Ryan laughs lightly. He feels Shane kiss his hair and he smiles. He lets himself imagine what married life would be like between the two of them and feels his heart flutter at the thought.

Unbeknownst to Ryan, hidden amongst the felts and spare puppet making materials that Shane kept in his office was a small maroon box in which sat a small ring cushioned safely on a plush white pillow. Shane wasn’t sure when he would propose, but the option was there and feeling more and more right with each passing day.

It seemed like a fact of life. As true as the oceans were blue and that the Earth traveled around the sun, it was also true that one day, Shane Madej would make Ryan Bergara his husband.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This was my very first attempt at writing smut, so I hope y'all enjoyed this! Come scream about it with me @scallywap! ^^; Have a lovely day!


End file.
